Abstract.

Friday, March 31, 2006

PTL!

thank God that it's getting warmer in the house.. the cold war has died! PTL!

but.. hmm.. there's sumthing going on with my darling lazy pig.. girl, if ur reading this.. gotta tell me wad's going on ya.. or wad happened.. k? =) i'm here =D

it's been draining this wk.. 5 tests! as i've mentioned in the previous post.. wow.. saw aileen on 31 today.. told me bout the concert tonite.. should be the one that li's going too.. that's why tuition was yesterday.. did i mention this too? not sure.. heh.

i really miss a friend.. a friend that used to be? i duno.. sigh.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

anyone can explain?

Psalm 7.. it kinda links.. n kinda not? i duno.. confusing.

had tuition today.. yes. my murderous tutor. =x

5 tests this wk! wow! express chinese ppl had 6.. it's illegal!! illegal i say! haha.. but so what rite.. lolx. not like it's gonna disappear. hmm.. i think for tis wk, my tests are like gonna b kinda average though. hopefully not of cos! who wans man.. there was changing of the sitting arrangements in class today. so political it became.. =S anyway, been having headaches again.. blegh. it's like since super long ago that it was tis consistent. pri sch i mean.. that's long.. tentatively 3 tests next wk.. with a whole lot of "yan yus"! it can totally drive one nuts! haha.. but wad's the use.. only manage to rmb it for the test.. after the test, it's all forgotten.. or mayb only an impression.. a blur vision.

oh ya, asked mr lee to let me shoot when the NCC's using the range.. hopefully it'll be soon! i miss my rifle.. lolx. my aperture D7! AHH!

i'm tired. brain dead.. brain cells prolly all depleted.. lolx. i still wanna go to the beach.. but i really wish to meet up with Sab. =( so busy.. sigh. when can i date u?

truckloads of thoughts flooding.. wad a manque.. no. it can be done.

a love that was lost, found it again. but, there can be no loving anymore.. ( not quite literally)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

looking for the wrong things in all the wrong places.. that's wad i've been doing. it's sad, yes. but who, is infallible? i know it sounds kinda depressing and everything.. but no worries.. things arnt wad they seem..

-things arnt always wad they seem..
do you know of the many secrets hidden within?
so many mysteries and lies everyone keeps
it aint easy to live a life like this, and so it seems.-

wad a deception. oh sheesh.. so superficial and all.. it's disappointing. why cant i seem to lean on the right person.. the sure strength that's actually right before me? wad's so difficult bout it? i just find it really tough.. i'm blinded.. deaf.. muted. knocking on the glass door right before me. it just all come out as a silent cry. oblivious to those around. that mask i want to rip off.. that hideous mask hiding everything that's real beneath. tugging in all directions, it's stuck..

it's decided.

i still owe my discipler sumthing.. but i just cant seem to get it out. i need the strength, grace and mercy..Lord, help me. discipline.. determination.. obedience.

"you have to die in order to live"

Thursday, March 23, 2006

abusive!

got home rather early i'd say.. not the earliest of course. left sch ard 3pm.. went to take 31 at the MRT station's bus stop. it was a rather long wait though.. blegh. bus came, boarded the bus and i had a strange feeling. it got super super crowded after the stops near the ITE. everyone ends ard the same time.. wow. came the 938 bus stop rite, wanted to get off and i was sitting kinda near the door actually.. cos it was super crowded, i accidently tripped and nearly banged into someone coming down from the stairs.. suddenly that person hit me on the shoulder.. oh man, i thought that person was like gonna fall on me or sumthing.. =x haha.. n i din look up, so din know who it was.. lo and behold.. it was tong aili.. WOW! haha.. okies.. being sarca.. kinda for no reason though. anyway, i was shocked man. i thought that person was gonna scold me for like "rushing out" cos i apparently tripped. haha.. at first i din recognise her.. cos her hair was like tied up. =S hehe.. looked so different..? yea.. no wonder the strange feeling.. lolx. was thinking earlier on if she was on the same bus .. o.O

why do ppl always hit me? okies.. maybe not always.. but why do they like to hit me?!?! wah.. lolx. especially on the shoulder summore.. lucky she hit the other shoulder.. otherwise i'd scream at her.. haha.. =X oh ya, she always say wanna kill me.. =X hahaha.. murderous tutor!

went to train the kids today.. (oh ya, gd thing it rained.. meant that we din have to run the 12 rounds bout the field.. hehe.) lazy pig was there.. told her a little bout the turning.. ball skills.. training was for the P3s today.. they are seriously so tiny! so small sized man.. gdness! first training for them i think.. yep. should be. they went thru a little dribbling, learnt the steps to doing lay-ups and did some ball handling as well.. yep. that's bout it for them.. some p5 boys trained as well.. after training, chatted with ms tan.. that's bout it.

had chem n eng test today.. emath test on loci n construction tmr.. ooh.. i still wanna go to the beach..

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

100

this' the 1ooth post.

i wanna go to the beach.. definitely not east coast.. i wanna go pasir ris.. yep. pasir ris beach. i want to just sit and watch the sea.. feel the sand among my toes.. =)

had chinese tutorial today.. left sch ard 4pm with cai yu.. managed to catch Pui Yee, Liting, Phildia and Mel for recess.. but especially Pui Yee. wah.. that girl arh.. still eats as slow as ever.. lol. =x anyway, she was telling me that she went in A&E cos of her knee.. haiyo. being referred to specialist, but haven seen the doctor yet. i'm guessing it's also an orthopaedic. wow. all the supposedly "more able" are breaking down so soon.. =x oh ya, my therapist cant stop saying how loose my joint were.. lolx. n that huijie jumps funny.. weird. tmr's PE need to run 12 rounds of the field.. i'm so gonna walk. =S

just did my daily physio..

chem test tmr.. approx 30 days to MYE.. wow! so exciting! 4 days to study for each subj.. i'm counting frm next week onwards of course.. to date: 20 bio chpts, 17 for chem.. n counting.. AHHH!! it's too exciting! lolx. so fast.. i think it's gonna start ard Nies' birthday again.. prolly on the day itself.. ooh.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

quick update..

here's a quickie..

started physio on my shoulder.. another time for my knee.. got this elastic band thingy to strengthen my shoulder with the exercises.. saw huijie at physio.

school work starting to take a toll and pile.. =x

removing my braces soon... for the MRI.

struggling again.. things i need to overcome..

loads of ppl i miss n hope to be able to catch up with..

need to talk.. but the words just wont come out.. (feel like calling up je..)

knee hurts like nothing now.. cant even walk w/o pain.. =S

Thank God. =)

Monday, March 20, 2006

oxymoron..

title has no link here.. anyway, first day of term 2.. had SS test.. tmr chinese test on "yan yus".. wah!! it's like 35.. n only 10 will be tested.. -.-" i'm still not done with one bio essay, half done with math.. chem mostly untouched.. sumthing like that.. thank goodness that the chem test's postponed to wednesday.. otherwise history would repeat itself.. =x okies.. not that serious.. but yea..

ended early today.. felt super weak in school man.. i had breakfast, not like i skipped it.. den it was even before lunchtime that i felt hungry n weak. but i felt weak not because i was hungry! wah!! i was just like feeling the "fever chills" although i was not having fever.. so nan shou.. sheesh.

came home and slept.. had a terrible headache.. slept like until 7.30.. wow.. gonna mug..

Thursday, March 16, 2006

so simple..

was just telling that lazy pig a lil bout my past.. come to think of it, i've got loads to be thankful for.. =) planning to mug thru the nite..

firstly, i'm thankful for God.. if it weren't for Him, i would not have wad i have now.. i wouldn't have:
1. my life
2. my brothers n sisters in Christ.. who care so much =)
3. ppl in my life..
4. better relationship with my family
5. my wonderful discipler whom i can talk to

there's just so much to be thankful for.. so much that i cant possibly list them all at one shot. although it's so true that the one who hurts you most is the one whom you love the most.. although i've been hurt and allow myself to get hurt so many times, God was the one.. the only one who hasnt hurt me.. taught me to learn to let go of my failures, my hurts.. taught me what it means to forgive and how.. i'm still learning.. i'm not perfect.. yet.

showing love.. i'm not very gd at that.. i'm learning.. trying to break out of my comfort zone.. trying to throw away my selfishness.. i love my family.. referring to my earthly family i mean.. but i just dun know how to show it that they may understand.. many things, i do not mean to do that have angered or caused them worry.. many things i've tried to do to show my love, but they just dun understand.. it's tough.. it was already said to be.. i just need to press on.. but where's my discipline and determination? often, i find myself at the crossroads, thinking which way should i go.. LEFT or RIGHT.. but the answer is actually UP. i so need to surrender my life to God.. trying to live by my own strength just ain't gonna work.. learnt that the hard way.. many a times, i know that that's the answer.. but i'm just afraid to commit. i'd find myself stranded.. why? becos i limit myself.. i limited God.

many things, one just knows what should be done.. but, we don't very often do it right? when Je suggested a hug for my mum.. my first reaction was, "huh?". to me, it felt really odd.. nothing right at all, even though it was alright for me to do that.. the same for reaching out, or any other thing.. very often, the first thought would be, "huh?". it was uncertainty.. not very much on unwillingness or such.. i just wasnt sure.. i'm never sure.. anything at all.. if someone voice their doubts, i'd doubt too.. before i do sumthing, i usually think thru.. for a very long time.. many questions would just flood my mind.. making me seem easy to manipulate..

i need to break through this barrier.. it's pulling me down, holding me back.. locking me in from everything outside. so thankful for the many times that God, You took those dreadful thoughts of suicide out of my mind.. keeping me at bay.. whenever i look down n out from the window, You taught me only to appreciate what's out n beyond, trained my eyes upon things of joy =) You diminished those thoughts of just ending it all with a jump down.. even though it doesnt end things well.. at least not for those around me.. frankly speaking, ending up with a disfigured and mangled body aint the best way to leave this perverted world either.. everytime i look out, peace n joy comes in instead.. thankful for that. There are always 2 sides of a coin, it depends whether u want to look at the head or the tail.

i'm looking at my hands now.. this life that i have.. although it isnt very long on this Earth.. anything can happen anytime..my hands.. they can produce so many miracles by His grace.. so many possibilities at hand.. it's just so wonderful to be in Your love and grace.. there's hope everyday. i believe. =) thank You for tis simple, sacrificial and unconditional love..

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

brain dead.. lolx.

okies.. maybe i ain't that brain dead.. went to train the kids this morn.. actually, i wasnt really like expecting jiangshen to be there.. =X hahah! okies.. not the point.. so there wasnt much to do for training basically.. then that PIG! ask her to do passing, she SO LAZY!!!!!!! HAHA.. she's so gonna kill me..

she's gd man.. managed to go thru 5 hrs plus of math! if i were her, i'd faint man.. =X jia you darling! hehe.. 3As n 1A* okies?? hehe.. deal! =D ben, ting and i practically accompanied her the whole time man.. i'm so lost even.. haha.. using models to solve became so foreign to me all of a sudden.. =X i was like practically using algebra to solve man..

wah.. i'm just so freaked out all of a sudden.. the likeness.. =X eeks.. haha.. i think she same as me lar.. scared and blank out when see math paper.. woah.. =X but she super funny today man.. can suddenly laugh for no reason, continue laughin for a super long time when there's a reason. then, just laugh lor.. just laugh.. -.-"

hmm.. i also wanna say sry to Je.. i duno wad came over me man.. i guessed it was cos i kept everything within me for such a long time.. it's not recent things for ur info.. it just took a toll on me i guess.. i'm so glad that i told u wad i was going thru and how i felt.. that cry was gd.. =) thanks for listening and shining a light unto things.. =) feel so much better after talking.. sry arh, but i cant really talk on the phone when i'm crying.. heh. thank God for MSN.. haha.. =x

i'm super high rite now.. n i'm torturing my darling.. keep guessing who i'm in love with!! hehe.. =) hey, i really cant make this entry any longer lar.. long enough le rite.. feels like i'm writing a compo man.. n i tell u hor, dun chao already lar.. whine whine whine like a kid... PIG!!

ya lar.. SOME pigs are cute.. but i'm thinking if ur one! hehe!! being sarca again!! haha.. love u lar.. my darling lazy pig.. =)

Monday, March 13, 2006

back again..

cos of that girl.. lolx. but, she's apparently going offline already... why am i allowing myself to be manipulated by her?? haha.. cos she's my dear.. lolx. and manipulate sounds a bit far-fetched.. haha..

anyway, was on the phone with je.. i'm like totally wiped out man..

sorry girl.. i'll blog a long one another time...

all over again...

falling in love that is.. yesterday's sermon was so familiar and yet so new to me.. Thank God =)

bloggin bcos my darling's bored and wants sumthing to read.. -.-" haha.. wanted to blog a few days ago, but my connection was so bad that i gave up..

we had the barbecue gathering for TPS basketball players on saturday evening.. thank God that it was just passing showers that day.. Ben and i started the fire.. the kids ran around and played.. soon enough, they were all very hungry.. then all crowded around the pit making noise.. lol. got scolded by ms tan of cos.. they were only complaining, not doing any work, just waiting for food.. i'm really alrite with that actually, but ms tan obviously wasn't... lolx. boy they got a scolding.. sigh.. lolx. ying qi, ting wen, verine, huiyi, shara and alan went as well.. din really talk much with them.. was basically at the pit the whole time.. sumtimes i just feel kinda detached..

am i difficult to talk to? why is it that u cant look at me straight in the eye and talk, or even reply my msges?? lolx.

at this point, my dear is rushing me to finish the update.. AGAIN.

they ended up telling ghost stories bout the school.. haha.. yingqi was so freaked that she screamed super loud man.. haha.. typical.. okies.. there's actually cant some things to blog bout now that i come to think of it.. but shall cut it short here, so that girl can have something for the time being.. haha =D

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

DREAMS..

been having odd dreams.. trying to recall them, but vaguely.. -.-" it's very possible that it might happen.. anyway, there was no chinese tutorial today. cos Zhen lao shi din come to school i think.. yep. meet micky at the stadium.. watched the match btw SAC n BNS for awhile.. it was already the last quart anyway.. then sheryl came along.. they chatted.. yep. micky's kids are rowdy man.. gdness.. n nonsense lar.. lolx. had a lit "test" today as well.. i think my first qns was quite alrite, but can say the same for my other part.. =.=

i've been really tired man.. can sleep like a pig! =x take yesterday for example. came back, checked mail, printed sumting for Jen, and hit the shacks. in like less than 5 mins, i was knocked out.. =.= then i asked my bro to help me pass to jen instead.. nearly woke up late for tuition again, cos i was like dragging and draggin myself to get out of bed.. =S it wasnt as bad today.. but i was like totally dead yesterday..

i hope that i can get to watch both the matches tmr.. AHH!! CIP... haix.. =X

n i duno wad's my cousin thinking lar.. wad made him think that way?? hmm.. lolx. is it just a random thought??? but out of the blue came the qns! haha..

Monday, March 06, 2006

L.O.V.E.

What is love?

3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration

4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind

It’s like, a mother being pregnant with a child. She has to go through pain and suffering. She will worry bout her child, even though she suffers when the baby kicks, feels the pain of labour. And when the child sees the world for the first time, the first thing he or she does is to cry. There is no word of thanks or appreciation for what the mother had to go through.. Of course we all know that babies cannot talk.

This is like the situation between God and us. He created us, gave us life, gave us everything that we have. Our friends our family, every living and non-living thing around us, all created by God. However, we never really give thanks, often complaining instead. Then why is it that God still loves us, as mentioned in the bible. And why does the mother still love her child, who has brought her much pain?

The answer is found in the eyes of the mother. Why does she love her newborn?
Because the baby is hers? Even more. Because the baby is her. Her blood. Her flesh.
Her hope. Her legacy. It bothers her not that the baby gives nothing. She knows a newborn is helpless, weak.

It’s just like God’s love for us. We are his idea. We are his.
We are, incredibly, the body of Christ. And though we may not act like our
Father, there is no greater truth than this: We are his. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of Christ. (Rom. 8:38,39)

- for I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We often seek acceptance and love from the people around us, but many a times, we find ourselves disappointed. Personally, I’ve experienced that as well. As some might say, we are looking for love in all the wrong places. We tend to long for a love that is tangible, love from someone that we can see and touch. However, things that we can see don’t last forever. As it is written, (2 Cor 4:18)

- for the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Therefore, why not seek for eternal love, God’s love.

this was a little sumthing i shared during one of the friday devotions.. it's really the greatest gift ever.. =)

Sunday, March 05, 2006

gastrics n headache.. bleghx

din go for svc in the morn as i was in pain.. =( bleghx. read the papers n went back to sleep after informing Micky.. sleep all the way till 2pm! woke up and had like lunch? sort of.. just grabbed a bite.. met xiong and ms tan at pavilion's BK to study chinese jian bao.. discussed on the topics and such.. hui yi din go.. cos she had test the next day..

we talked bout a lot of other things as well..

feel like blogging bout life at this moment.. it's really fragile.. once i was nearly a victim, and now, i'm afraid that others would be the next victim. jaws of death.. it's really sad. hearing wad had happened..in the news and everything.. i cant help think bout it.. cases of suicide are rising.. runaways too.. what are in the minds of people nowadays?? some are unfortunate to meet death, and yet there are some just seeking death.. irony.. oxymoronic..

had dinner with ms tan and chatted.. until bout 9 plus..

Friday, March 03, 2006

my darling =)

had tuition.. and once again, he msged during that time.. someone called me too.. but not sure who.. dun have caller id. =x anyways, there was tis qns in the textbk that even she could not solve.. must be a prob with the qns.. cos i was on the right track.. lolx. showed me her results slip.. i still think she's pro man.. smart.. lolx. and pls.. does looking for a quiet place in tampines = going on a date?? ridiculous lar.. wadever gave her that idea.. haha.. yinling also.. she better not bring that matter up in my face again.. enough is enough man.. reality check pls.. haha..

i went into slumber the moment i hit the shacks earlier this afternoon and almost woke up late for tuition.. =X not sure why i'm so tired man.. bleghx.. haha. sch was rather alrite.. except that i screwed up my math test.. =( oh, mrs lim actually forgot to give us the wkend revision hw.. lolx. amazing.. she's been giving us illegal tests!! haha.. she said so herself man.. lolx. funny teacher. nothing much today.. most sec4s went for the career fair after school today.. din go. bought the gifts and collected my specs instead..

din go online earlier.. hence missed my darling girl.. she left me a msg on friendster instead.. sry dear, if ur reading this.. anyway, i think friendster's kinda messed up.. either that, or it's cos of my internet connection.. going to train the kids morn.. den cell and my grandma's house..

JANG!!! where in the world r u?? just cant get hold of her man.. doesnt she check her phone?? hmm.. either that or she's sleeping.. sigh.. =( why?? saddening.. sigh.. nvm..

Thursday, March 02, 2006

treasure..

okies.. just came back frm sch not too long ago.. jiangshen sent me down the hill.. thank him for that =) had council meeting that's why got back so late. caught a bit of the guys' game against manjusri.. i'm so in love with him! haha..

she's not in a very gd mood today.. =( cheer up k!! =D gonna mug math for like forever.. test tmr.. anyway, i think that my CA is not going to be that bad.. =p praying.

there's so much chinese hw to do!!!! AHHH!!

random thought: the sky's nice today..

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

ShanHuHai..

i'm like addicted to this song man.. lolx. anyways, today's the release of the A lvl results.. li's scary man! haha.. pro. and to think that she was like super restless and high yesterday.. saying that she might not be able to sleep.. lol. in the end, she did sleep of cos.. actually had a post bout wad happened during tuition ytd.. but it "disappeared". haha.. doesnt matter.. thank goodness it wasnt a long post.. micky got back her results as well.. man it's hard to get hold of her..

had tutorial till very very VERY late.. it was supposed to end at like 4 plus? before 4.30 i think.. it ended like at 5 odd man.. so tired man.. my brain has been reduced to a pulp already.. =X adults are odd.. dun they think???? (not all of cos) sigh.. went to the optician to get my lens changed.. degree increased! OH NO! sigh.. irritating. thank God that it wasnt much..

i need to manage my time properly.. bleghx..

我所感受的一切，你又如何知道是什么？我真得很想告诉你事实，但我有害怕。不知还怕什么，就只知道害怕。我的心情你知道吗？那么多次我多想告诉你，不过你总是很忙。我怕打扰你，又怕让你担心。知道你自己也面对一些问题，我想和你分担也不知如何。问你，你也不多说。你叫我怎么做？我非常地关心你，不希望你有任何的伤害，尤其是来自我。我希望你天天都开心地过日子，无优无愁。我可以怎样做？你告诉我吧。我真得很想做个比较好的朋友。如今，我觉得我们之间好像是在路上的陌生人，没有任何关系，任何挂隔。真的不想我们之间的关系如何的浅。是我不够好对吗？你告诉我好吗？

对不起。。。

pardon me once again for the rollercoaster ride.. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday my dear girl! finally it's past midnight and......... it's UR BIRTHDAY!! woohoo!! haha =) pray that Lord, You'll keep this girl, strengthen her.. though she has yet come to know you, i know she will. =) Pray that you bless her, protect her and watch over her Lord. i thank You for letting me get to know her and i pray that i'll be a gd friend and testimony to her.. in Jesus' name, amen. =)