P R O F I L E.
Amanda
19
exTPS.exAHS.
TemasekPoly.BIO
Amanda
19
exTPS.exAHS.
TemasekPoly.BIO
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Wednesday, June 28, 2006
not so confused bout it anymore. =)
thanks for listening and sharing. it really feels good to let it out.
it seems like the earlier/longer i sleep, the more tired i get.. lol. weird eh? haha! slept 2hrs plus the day before, i could last the entire day, even into the next morn. yesterday, turning in around 12 plus.. i was so tired and sleepy today.. sat for the New South Wales essay writing thingy.. i din know bout it until yesterday actually.. it was only for bout half hr? ard there.. turned out that we din have to write out a whole compo actually.. and i tot it was gonna be long.. boy am i tired.. came home and napped, nearly couldnt wake for tuition.. tuition again today, tmr as well.. marathon. o.O i dun really get the relative velocity thingy(calculation part.. not so much on the concept of it).. o wells, hitting the books again..
today's nice. =)
thanks for listening and sharing. it really feels good to let it out.
it seems like the earlier/longer i sleep, the more tired i get.. lol. weird eh? haha! slept 2hrs plus the day before, i could last the entire day, even into the next morn. yesterday, turning in around 12 plus.. i was so tired and sleepy today.. sat for the New South Wales essay writing thingy.. i din know bout it until yesterday actually.. it was only for bout half hr? ard there.. turned out that we din have to write out a whole compo actually.. and i tot it was gonna be long.. boy am i tired.. came home and napped, nearly couldnt wake for tuition.. tuition again today, tmr as well.. marathon. o.O i dun really get the relative velocity thingy(calculation part.. not so much on the concept of it).. o wells, hitting the books again..
today's nice. =)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
walkathon today.. so fun.. school actually started at 8.10. i must say, they are getting smarter.. haha.. anyway, it meant that lessons ended at 3pm. we were supposed to walk from "chang cheng" round to the front gate. but, mr yow lead us to walk frm the stadium that side.. means that the dist was like cut by A LOT. haha.. relatively short walk so to speak.. as compared to the previous time. halfway thru the walk, my knee screamed.. haha..
had a good talk with yin ling.. i must say, i'm thankful for a sister like her.. someone whom i can totally just speak my mind freely to.. the frankness and trust.. sharing without fearing.. we walked n talked basically.. she also shared.. well, she's considered a CGL in her church? or training to be one.. sumwhere there.. praise God =) it was partly also talking to her that i realised wad i thought things to be, it just aint that way..
give me some time.. coupled with fasting and prayer, i'm believing for a great breakthrough. the journey may be long and tough, but nothing is impossible with Him. i'm determined not to give up. Lord, i pray that You'd take away every fear of rejection, insecurity, anger and unforgiveness in me. Help me to help myself, to be disciplined and focus. Lead me through each day, walking in Your ways. Teach me please.. i am lost. i am confused. i feel helpless. that's the truth.. but, it aint gonna stay that way. it gets tiring, it gets tough.. but it's all worth it. many times i feel like giving up, just shunning and hiding.. that aint going no where.. i dun want to.
facts and thoughts..
[after reading max lucado's works, i'm not very sure how should i think../see things though.]
had a good talk with yin ling.. i must say, i'm thankful for a sister like her.. someone whom i can totally just speak my mind freely to.. the frankness and trust.. sharing without fearing.. we walked n talked basically.. she also shared.. well, she's considered a CGL in her church? or training to be one.. sumwhere there.. praise God =) it was partly also talking to her that i realised wad i thought things to be, it just aint that way..
give me some time.. coupled with fasting and prayer, i'm believing for a great breakthrough. the journey may be long and tough, but nothing is impossible with Him. i'm determined not to give up. Lord, i pray that You'd take away every fear of rejection, insecurity, anger and unforgiveness in me. Help me to help myself, to be disciplined and focus. Lead me through each day, walking in Your ways. Teach me please.. i am lost. i am confused. i feel helpless. that's the truth.. but, it aint gonna stay that way. it gets tiring, it gets tough.. but it's all worth it. many times i feel like giving up, just shunning and hiding.. that aint going no where.. i dun want to.
facts and thoughts..
[after reading max lucado's works, i'm not very sure how should i think../see things though.]
Monday, June 26, 2006
the wedding dinner ytd was great=)
the wine was nice..
btw, this the first time (or maybe not) that i realised my relative, the bridegroom, is so shuai! (i see him every CNY) haha.. i sound like some hua chi.. =S lol! but seriously, i find him shuai.. haha.. wad's more, he looks like around 23 to 25, but he's actually 29 already.. baby face.. haha. he and his wife actually known each other for 14 yrs! means they date when they were 15? haha.. that's very long.. o.O so cool.. =) they also showed the video of him fetching the bride, which was just like the day before.. it was super funny lar! trust the bride's frens and sister to think of such pranks to play on him.. lol!
to name a few..
1. wearing a G-string at the ground floor, all the way up to the house.
2. made him drink from a milk bottle n eat stuff that represent "suan1, tian2, ku3, la4" (wow.. 1234.. lol)
3. made him sing again n again..
4. guess his wife's bra size.. o.O ( that was suggested by an auntie by the way.. LOL!)
think that the last one's the funniest.. haha.. oh, this' also the first time that i got to sit so near the weds.. up front.. lol. this kinda chance is very rare..
today's the first day of term 3.. they changed the timetable AGAIN. hai.. made us all so confused.. and got scolded by mrs lim cos we din know bout the change.. =( o wells..
random thought: vodka's nice when its not strong.. lol. i dun get drunk that easily anyway.. just the taste =X
the wine was nice..
btw, this the first time (or maybe not) that i realised my relative, the bridegroom, is so shuai! (i see him every CNY) haha.. i sound like some hua chi.. =S lol! but seriously, i find him shuai.. haha.. wad's more, he looks like around 23 to 25, but he's actually 29 already.. baby face.. haha. he and his wife actually known each other for 14 yrs! means they date when they were 15? haha.. that's very long.. o.O so cool.. =) they also showed the video of him fetching the bride, which was just like the day before.. it was super funny lar! trust the bride's frens and sister to think of such pranks to play on him.. lol!
to name a few..
1. wearing a G-string at the ground floor, all the way up to the house.
2. made him drink from a milk bottle n eat stuff that represent "suan1, tian2, ku3, la4" (wow.. 1234.. lol)
3. made him sing again n again..
4. guess his wife's bra size.. o.O ( that was suggested by an auntie by the way.. LOL!)
think that the last one's the funniest.. haha.. oh, this' also the first time that i got to sit so near the weds.. up front.. lol. this kinda chance is very rare..
today's the first day of term 3.. they changed the timetable AGAIN. hai.. made us all so confused.. and got scolded by mrs lim cos we din know bout the change.. =( o wells..
random thought: vodka's nice when its not strong.. lol. i dun get drunk that easily anyway.. just the taste =X
Saturday, June 24, 2006
the day started late.. au contraire, it was early?? O.o
u know, despite sleeping presumably enough, i'm still tired..
no idea why.. just tired.
anyway, did some work in the late morn.. cooked up a crazy timetable as well. i hope that i have the discipline and strength to stick to it.. =S went out with my parents in the afternoon.. shopped.. (though i'm really not a shopping person.. and someone's trying to change that.. haha!) decided to keep my hair length and let it grow.. haha.. finally can tie up, with the help of my cousin.. haha! pls.. i haven tied my hair in ages! i know nuts bout it.. lol. the last time was like when i was in pri 4 i think.. when i was 10... o.O 6 yrs ago!
oh, bought Sun's album.
mild fever
aching/pain-ing shoulder. =S
school's starting soon.
wedding dinner tmr night.
[The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, you will make it to a place called Success.]
u know, despite sleeping presumably enough, i'm still tired..
no idea why.. just tired.
anyway, did some work in the late morn.. cooked up a crazy timetable as well. i hope that i have the discipline and strength to stick to it.. =S went out with my parents in the afternoon.. shopped.. (though i'm really not a shopping person.. and someone's trying to change that.. haha!) decided to keep my hair length and let it grow.. haha.. finally can tie up, with the help of my cousin.. haha! pls.. i haven tied my hair in ages! i know nuts bout it.. lol. the last time was like when i was in pri 4 i think.. when i was 10... o.O 6 yrs ago!
oh, bought Sun's album.
mild fever
aching/pain-ing shoulder. =S
school's starting soon.
wedding dinner tmr night.
[The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, you will make it to a place called Success.]
lightning just flashed.. so bright o.O
anyways.. it's close to 2am now.. i just woke up.
went to SGH yesterday for the review.. the results for my strength test aint too pleasant.. almost everything was negative.. meant that i was seriously lacking in strength.. o.O i'm a right-hander. it kinda makes no sense to me btw.. one of the "negative" was like minus hundred plus.. NO!!! sounds like self denial.. lol. got a lot of work to do.. a LOT of strengthening exercise..
went ard chinatown on foot, nearly got lost.. i'm not sure why idea.. lol. but my mum was saying that she felt like she's bringing a mountain tortoise ard.. =S o well.. we went to this dessert place.. to have dessert of cos. went JP to shop.. yes, u read right.. SHOP. haha.. bought a few tops.. after that, met the others at the mrt and headed down to church. hmm.. although i couldnt quite make out the ending of the drama.. but nonetheless, the event was great =)
this whole day was just painful. quite literally.. the pain just keeps popping up.. here n there.. for just a few secs.. or for awhile. so problematic.. lol. *pain pain go away..*
i'm supposed to be studying now.. but i just started sneezing.. bah.
anyways.. it's close to 2am now.. i just woke up.
went to SGH yesterday for the review.. the results for my strength test aint too pleasant.. almost everything was negative.. meant that i was seriously lacking in strength.. o.O i'm a right-hander. it kinda makes no sense to me btw.. one of the "negative" was like minus hundred plus.. NO!!! sounds like self denial.. lol. got a lot of work to do.. a LOT of strengthening exercise..
went ard chinatown on foot, nearly got lost.. i'm not sure why idea.. lol. but my mum was saying that she felt like she's bringing a mountain tortoise ard.. =S o well.. we went to this dessert place.. to have dessert of cos. went JP to shop.. yes, u read right.. SHOP. haha.. bought a few tops.. after that, met the others at the mrt and headed down to church. hmm.. although i couldnt quite make out the ending of the drama.. but nonetheless, the event was great =)
this whole day was just painful. quite literally.. the pain just keeps popping up.. here n there.. for just a few secs.. or for awhile. so problematic.. lol. *pain pain go away..*
i'm supposed to be studying now.. but i just started sneezing.. bah.
Friday, June 23, 2006
oh man.. the ant bites from the subzone outing is starting to itch terribly!! ARGH! weird eh.. now then it itches again.. bahh.. n i'm already in a not very nice mood..
man.. i gotta apologise to jos.. whether she felt it or not.. i still need to apologise. i should prolly decide against telling.. doesnt make much of a difference anyway.. au contraire, it affects others as well.. and it just makes me feel bad all over again.. wad should i do??
just read her blog.. totally agree..
simplicity is best to me. =)
just read another blog.. it's true.. humans just love to complicate things..
cos we are complicated beings. o.O
it's raining.
i stand corrected.
it's pouring.
solely.
man.. i gotta apologise to jos.. whether she felt it or not.. i still need to apologise. i should prolly decide against telling.. doesnt make much of a difference anyway.. au contraire, it affects others as well.. and it just makes me feel bad all over again.. wad should i do??
just read her blog.. totally agree..
simplicity is best to me. =)
just read another blog.. it's true.. humans just love to complicate things..
cos we are complicated beings. o.O
it's raining.
i stand corrected.
it's pouring.
solely.
i'm a happy person =)
i got my chili and potatoes. =D
i got my chili and potatoes. =D
Thursday, June 22, 2006
finally got my second zhou ji post up.. the weirdness of it.. lol. and boy did it take a long time.. that's the thing bout typing in chinese.. and they are even thinking of using the comp more often during chinese in the near future. i must say that i'm glad that i'm not gonna be involve in that.. sort of. heard that it's starting next yr or the yr after that in AH.. o.O by then, everyone would find that chinese lesson have become comp lessons.. haha! how are the teachers gonna mark the assignments den? such a hassle.. so impractical.. but o well.. technology and the "wonders" of it. lol.. i'm being sarca again.. oh no.
i need discipline. =x
i'm still wanting to be where the sand, wind, waters, stars, sun are..
i need discipline. =x
i'm still wanting to be where the sand, wind, waters, stars, sun are..
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
after a night of waking at every hour ytd, i'm awake now.
weird eh?
mild migraine attacks are relatively common. sigh. be gone...
weird eh?
mild migraine attacks are relatively common. sigh. be gone...
encounter.engage.experience.
A cry so silent
Only You could hear
A hand laid on my shoulder
Fingers brushed away the tears
***
The weight of the world all lifted up
Finding myself in great awe
Lost in what You've offered
Lingering here
Nothing else i want more
***
The pain You bore
All for my gain
Taking every brokenness
Making them whole again
***
The warmth of Your love
Brings peace to my heart
Even if the sun goes down
You'd hold me in Your arms
***Restoring my life
My Healer
My Comforter
My ultimate
***
Monday, June 19, 2006
Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.People crave your praise and complements.
*****
was just doing a couple of those "tests" on blogthings.. interesting results.. haha. apparently, my hidden talent is as stated above.. lol.
*****
very often, who we see ourselves as is not who Christ sees us as or created us to be. a very general statement here.. anyway, who then are we really to be/are? the answers to this question is of cos in the bible.. for instance, "a child of God", "more than a conqueror" just to name a few (got a list somewhere).. notice, there are many answers to that one question. which is not really common.. it's more often that there are many questions with a single answer to it.. wow. interesting eh? (okies.. maybe not to u, but it is to me) God never fails to amaze me.
take yesterday night and very early this morn as an example. the experience was definitely horrible and dreadful (jos u know what it's about) and well, just take it as a lesson to learn to rely on God. painful.. but no pain no gain =) His presence and peace was so comforting and assuring. listening to the words of the worship songs so carefully for once. k, maybe not once but.. yea. anyway, it just hit me. i felt that God was just standing in my room, holding me. this "gain".. wad more can i ask for.. =)
*****
no matter how often it happens, God brought me to it, He'll bring me thru.. a decision to cling on.. those ard me, please remind me if i ever think of giving up.
it's practically like that almost every night.
deal with it.
breakthrough.
| You Communicate With Your Ears |
 You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod. |
How Do You Communicate?
really?? lol.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
what can we say when someone asks us, "what is ur life like?" or sumthing along that line...
wad would you say??
********************************************************
spiritual hunger.
discipleship.
the jerusalem and antioch church.
changes, there is a need for that.
wad would you say??
********************************************************
spiritual hunger.
discipleship.
the jerusalem and antioch church.
changes, there is a need for that.
asking questions like, "how can i help you?", "is there anything that i can do?" waiting on God as well as one another. do you really yearn that much? how much is "much"? what is the price that you're willing to pay? are you willing to commit and not compromise? waiting. discipleship <--> personal availability . the misconception cleared.. a lesson learnt and to be remembered. it's all a choice. persist if that's your decision. if you're hungry, you'll know what to do.. just do it. reservation? there is the presence of fear then.. but should it be there? well, you wont know what will happen unless you try. yep.
service, attitude, open-ness.. i have to admit i do feel intimidated and restricted. daring not to go forth and ask.. finding not a place. 2 ways to see this.. 1, i'm the one who's restricting and limiting. trying to kick the word "impossible" out of my mind. 2, it's really what i perceive it to be.
how do i go about the approach?? the answer that God gave me even before i actually asked this qns was,
Matt 7:7 - "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."
i'm willing to try. God please give me the strength n courage. and yet again, it was only just that God reminded me of
Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
prayer. fasting. action. determination. guidance.
man is my knee giving me a hard time. bahh.. lol.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
[there's a story behind every smile. =)]
i hate to complain but... it's simply "argh".
pain.. it hurts. my leg's not cooperating with me and well, every step i take, it hurts. it's my left side though (a strain?? feels like it..) .. also duno why.. okies.. this post and well, maybe some others as well, is gonna make me sound like a big baby, whiney and simply problematic. n FYI, i dun wish it to be this way either.. and many a times, i do feel like i'm extremely problematic.. n the "why?" just pops into my head.. o wells, if it's not better by tmr, i'd have to wear the very uncomfortable knee guard under my jeans again.. hoping not. migraine just had to add to it. what's more, there were 2 men sitting behind me on the bus.. they talked non stop! it was horrible! i wanted to turn ard n shout at them to shut up.. !!! it was really non stop! and it does NOT help when someone's having a migraine.. it's pure toture.. bahh..
convicted yet again.
been a lil "unexplainable" and "indescribable" lately. you may be clueless as to what i'm saying here.. and well, that's the point =) and well, my randomness has brought me to the very first sentence of this entry. i must admit, it aint very optimistic.. or should i say that i have not been very optimistic for the past few days. like a masquerade. one can never ever know what's beneath that smile. never quite. the happiest/smiliest people you see ard all have their stories. some, wishing that they could be true to others and themselves.. just that they lack the courage or do not know how to do so.. otherwise, it'd be the "i must not be selfish" thinking. but, must it be that way? again, i must admit.. i'm kinda like that.. n well, the answer's "no" i guess.
once heard, "men communicate to feel good, but women need to feel good before communicating" not sure how true that is, you judge for urself. i'm interested to know the truth for that though.. lol. anyway, it's all a choice i guess. sumthing that i have to work towards changing.. i'm afraid to hurt n get hurt. i've said that before.. i am afraid. cos, i always seem to find myself getting hurt by those that i love. the openess seems to also be an entry of hurts that's why. those times when i'm down, i just long for someone to cry with me or hold me. it's quite impractical and unrealistic. thus, bringing forth the mentality that i've got to go thru every thing on my own. with God's help of cos. the mentality of being independent cos no one can actually teleport as and when just for me. hence...
i hate to complain but... it's simply "argh".
pain.. it hurts. my leg's not cooperating with me and well, every step i take, it hurts. it's my left side though (a strain?? feels like it..) .. also duno why.. okies.. this post and well, maybe some others as well, is gonna make me sound like a big baby, whiney and simply problematic. n FYI, i dun wish it to be this way either.. and many a times, i do feel like i'm extremely problematic.. n the "why?" just pops into my head.. o wells, if it's not better by tmr, i'd have to wear the very uncomfortable knee guard under my jeans again.. hoping not. migraine just had to add to it. what's more, there were 2 men sitting behind me on the bus.. they talked non stop! it was horrible! i wanted to turn ard n shout at them to shut up.. !!! it was really non stop! and it does NOT help when someone's having a migraine.. it's pure toture.. bahh..
convicted yet again.
been a lil "unexplainable" and "indescribable" lately. you may be clueless as to what i'm saying here.. and well, that's the point =) and well, my randomness has brought me to the very first sentence of this entry. i must admit, it aint very optimistic.. or should i say that i have not been very optimistic for the past few days. like a masquerade. one can never ever know what's beneath that smile. never quite. the happiest/smiliest people you see ard all have their stories. some, wishing that they could be true to others and themselves.. just that they lack the courage or do not know how to do so.. otherwise, it'd be the "i must not be selfish" thinking. but, must it be that way? again, i must admit.. i'm kinda like that.. n well, the answer's "no" i guess.
once heard, "men communicate to feel good, but women need to feel good before communicating" not sure how true that is, you judge for urself. i'm interested to know the truth for that though.. lol. anyway, it's all a choice i guess. sumthing that i have to work towards changing.. i'm afraid to hurt n get hurt. i've said that before.. i am afraid. cos, i always seem to find myself getting hurt by those that i love. the openess seems to also be an entry of hurts that's why. those times when i'm down, i just long for someone to cry with me or hold me. it's quite impractical and unrealistic. thus, bringing forth the mentality that i've got to go thru every thing on my own. with God's help of cos. the mentality of being independent cos no one can actually teleport as and when just for me. hence...
subzone outing ytd was great, thanks to the hard work of the organizers =) it's really not that easy doing things for a big group of people.. experience.
the games were dirty and wet.. but downright fun! haha.. though it was a bit.. *ahem* haha! anyhow, it was great =) there was flour (i'll nv forget that! haha!), water.. seawater, watermelon juice, chili sauce, ketchup.. and duno wad else.. o.O haha! man do i love n hate the flour.. so unexpected and i was simply caught unaware.. hmmm.. looks can be deceiving.. hahaha!
the night sky was beautiful =) so many stars.. made it feel like i was in chiangmai again.. although it's still a rather far cry from it.. but it was nice =) so many stars just dotted the skies.. but, where's the orion? it seems to have disappeared.. when i was in chiangmai, ms loh n i couldnt find it either.. o.O
according to je, the last comet that passed was on 6 june 06. wow. lets see if we can wait 70 yrs later to see it again.. haha.. but, i thought it was like a few yrs back? (the last sighting i mean) o wells..
i cant explain how i'm feeling rite now.
the games were dirty and wet.. but downright fun! haha.. though it was a bit.. *ahem* haha! anyhow, it was great =) there was flour (i'll nv forget that! haha!), water.. seawater, watermelon juice, chili sauce, ketchup.. and duno wad else.. o.O haha! man do i love n hate the flour.. so unexpected and i was simply caught unaware.. hmmm.. looks can be deceiving.. hahaha!
the night sky was beautiful =) so many stars.. made it feel like i was in chiangmai again.. although it's still a rather far cry from it.. but it was nice =) so many stars just dotted the skies.. but, where's the orion? it seems to have disappeared.. when i was in chiangmai, ms loh n i couldnt find it either.. o.O
according to je, the last comet that passed was on 6 june 06. wow. lets see if we can wait 70 yrs later to see it again.. haha.. but, i thought it was like a few yrs back? (the last sighting i mean) o wells..
i cant explain how i'm feeling rite now.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
hmm.. on the contrary, may be late instead.. o.O (tmr)
expectations management. boy do i have to reflect on that..
decided to just go ahead and change the blogskin. anyway, glad that i managed to get something done overnight. n i'm still so awake! i'm gonna to it again tonite! haha..
HAPPIE BIRTHDAY MIC! haha! =) hope she sees this when she gets back.. haha.. o wells, better than hacking.. =x haha.. someone to look up to, a bringer of joy =) of cos, a lil wacky at times.. but, I LOVE HER! =D
had dinner with my parents at 85.. it was good. =)
expectations management. boy do i have to reflect on that..
decided to just go ahead and change the blogskin. anyway, glad that i managed to get something done overnight. n i'm still so awake! i'm gonna to it again tonite! haha..
HAPPIE BIRTHDAY MIC! haha! =) hope she sees this when she gets back.. haha.. o wells, better than hacking.. =x haha.. someone to look up to, a bringer of joy =) of cos, a lil wacky at times.. but, I LOVE HER! =D
had dinner with my parents at 85.. it was good. =)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
had tuition yesterday n today.. seems to be some sort of a marathon.. haha. same as the previous week. integration. o.O
i'm seem to be getting more and more impatient.. =( that's not a good thing.. haha. and i shall strive to change that.. i think i shall go down earlier to blade on friday? maybe.. well, most prolly. i'm not getting any work done! bahh.. that's absolutely unacceptable.. i just cant concentrate and put my heart into my work when in the day.. oh no. i shall turn into an owl too.. =( instead of soccer, it'll be studying.. boohoo. haha.. just kidding. not the studying part though. i shall do that.. i must do that..
i seem to get this feeling that when i talk, no one wants to listen. but when i dun feel like talking, people just want me to talk. the irony of life! haha.. that's just the way it is isnt it?? o.O
STM... =(
i'm seem to be getting more and more impatient.. =( that's not a good thing.. haha. and i shall strive to change that.. i think i shall go down earlier to blade on friday? maybe.. well, most prolly. i'm not getting any work done! bahh.. that's absolutely unacceptable.. i just cant concentrate and put my heart into my work when in the day.. oh no. i shall turn into an owl too.. =( instead of soccer, it'll be studying.. boohoo. haha.. just kidding. not the studying part though. i shall do that.. i must do that..
i seem to get this feeling that when i talk, no one wants to listen. but when i dun feel like talking, people just want me to talk. the irony of life! haha.. that's just the way it is isnt it?? o.O
STM... =(
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
God's presence was truely undeniable =)
hours passed feeling like just mere mintues.
prayer meeting, just God and i, was awesome.
there's really a lot of things to pray for..
i could just go on and on..
just lingering in His presence.
the air cleared up a lil.. i guess my bro was just taking it out on the family.. sumthing happened between him and his fren i suppose..
i'm happy =)
was thinking of changing my blogskin.. should i? hehe..
healing.. i really really really really need it.
hours passed feeling like just mere mintues.
prayer meeting, just God and i, was awesome.
there's really a lot of things to pray for..
i could just go on and on..
just lingering in His presence.
the air cleared up a lil.. i guess my bro was just taking it out on the family.. sumthing happened between him and his fren i suppose..
i'm happy =)
was thinking of changing my blogskin.. should i? hehe..
healing.. i really really really really need it.
not only do happiness come in double, unwanted things too..
why cant my bro just be more sensible and disciplined? sigh.. it's just staying off the computer for awhile and mop the floor instead.. nothing more. i was just about to get off the com when he came into the room, heading for the bed. then he shouted at my mum to ask me to get off the com. she came, in a bad mood.. he just came from my parents room as well.. duno wad happened there. dun really wanna know either. sigh. was struggling at that time.. den have to take the war between them again. i get very affected easily by these.. sigh. just simply caught in the middle all the time. i wish i can just ignore or forget. but i dun..
waterworks-ed a lil to sleep. just kept praying. will keep praying.
breakaway.
breakdown the solid around.
though afraid to hurt n get hurt.
honest.
step out.
enough.
God, help. i'm staying with You no matter what. holding on to You. i want to.
why cant my bro just be more sensible and disciplined? sigh.. it's just staying off the computer for awhile and mop the floor instead.. nothing more. i was just about to get off the com when he came into the room, heading for the bed. then he shouted at my mum to ask me to get off the com. she came, in a bad mood.. he just came from my parents room as well.. duno wad happened there. dun really wanna know either. sigh. was struggling at that time.. den have to take the war between them again. i get very affected easily by these.. sigh. just simply caught in the middle all the time. i wish i can just ignore or forget. but i dun..
waterworks-ed a lil to sleep. just kept praying. will keep praying.
breakaway.
breakdown the solid around.
though afraid to hurt n get hurt.
honest.
step out.
enough.
God, help. i'm staying with You no matter what. holding on to You. i want to.
i have to go thru it.
i'm going thru it for a cause.
He will bring me thru.
the peace of God just overwhelms. awesome. in You i seek solace. my comforter. my healer. sanctuary. restorer.
most faithful even when i'm faithless. thank You for drying the tears, lifting me up.
i'm going thru it for a cause.
He will bring me thru.
the peace of God just overwhelms. awesome. in You i seek solace. my comforter. my healer. sanctuary. restorer.
most faithful even when i'm faithless. thank You for drying the tears, lifting me up.
Monday, June 12, 2006
it's getting frustating and scary.. i cant even hold my pick properly.. it got worse today. =(
healing.. i need.
why?
cant i just say how i feel?
was just reading the past posts of jos'.. duno what prompted me to do that though. i was really impacted by some of her posts.. it really got me thinking and reflecting. my first love.. the passion and pureness. peace. joy. comfort. i need to change my mindset. i must. seek.
indeed, it's a privilege to serve.
i'm talking in paragraphs again.. but it's easier to read isnt it? lol. psychological.. it's all in the mind.
went to RELC, some ulu pandan place at orchard area.. it was for the literature seminar.. i honestly expected a bit more though.. but, o wells. disappointed. rushed out of there to the airport to send mic off for her mission trip..
looks like it's gonna rain again.. it's just making me ___..
prayer meeting tmr..
place: my room
who: God and i =) (sounds selfish.. lol.)
healing.. i need.
why?
cant i just say how i feel?
was just reading the past posts of jos'.. duno what prompted me to do that though. i was really impacted by some of her posts.. it really got me thinking and reflecting. my first love.. the passion and pureness. peace. joy. comfort. i need to change my mindset. i must. seek.
indeed, it's a privilege to serve.
i'm talking in paragraphs again.. but it's easier to read isnt it? lol. psychological.. it's all in the mind.
went to RELC, some ulu pandan place at orchard area.. it was for the literature seminar.. i honestly expected a bit more though.. but, o wells. disappointed. rushed out of there to the airport to send mic off for her mission trip..
looks like it's gonna rain again.. it's just making me ___..
prayer meeting tmr..
place: my room
who: God and i =) (sounds selfish.. lol.)
Sunday, June 11, 2006
[i'm scared]
a facade.
cant.. shouldnt..
healing.
breakthroughs.
desperate.to fit.
there's always things that one just knows.. but sumhow, it's just so far away i suppose. knowing limits is another things i guess.. sumtimes, somethings are just out of reach.. reality? practicality? or is it all just in the mind? knowing where one actually stands? it's not that one doesnt speak.. do the others listen? sometimes, it's gets so tiring that speaking seems redundant and silence often the answer instead.. u think?
profiling.. based on my entries. (based on my own views)
inert.confined.insecure.conflicted.analytic.emotional(very).sensitive.
the list goes on.. just that i seriously cant rmb what i had thought of before.. STM. =( lol.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
it's been hurting for this whole wk.. o.O it's not supposed to. =(
[it's not rebelling.. it's just asking, "why?"]
many a times, curiosity's perceived to be rebelliousness.. many a times, adults just cant accept changes or questions that make them uncomfortable(hope i wont be).. i'm just commenting on general here.. was thinking.. as usual.. people, esp in singapore, are sumtimes just so limited. by what u may wonder... but numbers, by paper.. mainly qualifications. but, it's that all that really matters? wad happened to the character of a person? they are trying to change things.. oh ya.. but, they just cant let go at the same time.. it's sad. the demands of the world out there has made us into robots. wad do we have? head knowledge. that's basically it. some even say, or should i say most, "u can memorise, u win." u excel.. or wadever related. it's psychological. i'm not sure if there's any studies done on this(most likely though) but, people just limit themselves to/by wad they are able to see.. most anyway. in this world, being bold, idealistic = a fool. why? is it not possible? is that not how things we use and require today come to pass? is it not that person who dared to step out that changed this world? for better or for worse, it's up to u to debate.. that's not very much the point here.
perceptions differ.. who's right/wrong to say that the other person's right/wrong.. no one on this Earth i believe, can qualify to judge that.. so many things just simply unexplainable. so wad's wad? what's actually right/wrong or, is there even a right or wrong? seemingly confusing, but i'm sure every has thought bout this before.. it's just sumthing inside of everyone of us. it's only human to question, we were born with that ability.
sumtimes, the randomness of life just gets a hold.. lol.
today's nice.
[it's not rebelling.. it's just asking, "why?"]
many a times, curiosity's perceived to be rebelliousness.. many a times, adults just cant accept changes or questions that make them uncomfortable(hope i wont be).. i'm just commenting on general here.. was thinking.. as usual.. people, esp in singapore, are sumtimes just so limited. by what u may wonder... but numbers, by paper.. mainly qualifications. but, it's that all that really matters? wad happened to the character of a person? they are trying to change things.. oh ya.. but, they just cant let go at the same time.. it's sad. the demands of the world out there has made us into robots. wad do we have? head knowledge. that's basically it. some even say, or should i say most, "u can memorise, u win." u excel.. or wadever related. it's psychological. i'm not sure if there's any studies done on this(most likely though) but, people just limit themselves to/by wad they are able to see.. most anyway. in this world, being bold, idealistic = a fool. why? is it not possible? is that not how things we use and require today come to pass? is it not that person who dared to step out that changed this world? for better or for worse, it's up to u to debate.. that's not very much the point here.
perceptions differ.. who's right/wrong to say that the other person's right/wrong.. no one on this Earth i believe, can qualify to judge that.. so many things just simply unexplainable. so wad's wad? what's actually right/wrong or, is there even a right or wrong? seemingly confusing, but i'm sure every has thought bout this before.. it's just sumthing inside of everyone of us. it's only human to question, we were born with that ability.
sumtimes, the randomness of life just gets a hold.. lol.
today's nice.
Friday, June 09, 2006
woke up after a fitful night.. sigh.. tossing and turning again.. but managed to get more sleep than on thurs..
someone called me at ard 5plus in the morn? or 6plus.. ard there.. i answered the call the moment it rang and den there was just silence.. the other person just hung up.. o.O prank call? or accident? went back to sleep after that..
just rmbed (sort of) a dream that i had a few days ago.. it's kinda no link? dreamt of cindi, aili, christine and serene.. wad's the link?! HAHA... anyway, just a random thing..
i need to get working again! i'm so tempted to say, "just one more day please... let me just sleep for one more day..." NO! argh..
the coldness of the day makes it even more irresistable to snuggle up in bed.. haha.. i'd rather it rain the whole day if it starts raining in the morn and it's so cooling!
*just keep swimming, just keep swimming*
someone called me at ard 5plus in the morn? or 6plus.. ard there.. i answered the call the moment it rang and den there was just silence.. the other person just hung up.. o.O prank call? or accident? went back to sleep after that..
just rmbed (sort of) a dream that i had a few days ago.. it's kinda no link? dreamt of cindi, aili, christine and serene.. wad's the link?! HAHA... anyway, just a random thing..
i need to get working again! i'm so tempted to say, "just one more day please... let me just sleep for one more day..." NO! argh..
the coldness of the day makes it even more irresistable to snuggle up in bed.. haha.. i'd rather it rain the whole day if it starts raining in the morn and it's so cooling!
*just keep swimming, just keep swimming*
bahh.. an entry got deleted ytd.. =( it was a super long one too.. o wells.. try to rmb wad i typed..
[wad a ___day.. and to add on to it, had to come home and face the "music".. not that i got a scolding.. family conflict..] (thurs)
slept a pathetic 2hr 30mins, frm 6am to 8.30am.. wow. i was practically tossing and turning the whole night away.. surprisingly, i was awake thru the whole day and even into the night.. o.O went for tuition in the afternoon.. after that, left lili's house and walked to CS.. was just walking ard and saw serene and christine.
oh, sumthing unpleasant nearly happened to a kid. i just came up from the escalator when i saw this lil kid, under 3yrs walking alone.. thinking that his parents were nearby or actually watching him, i walked pass him. den i notice this man in front of me looking at the kid and then looking ard.. (man's malay, kid's eurasian) realised that he was looking for the parents of this kid.. the mother was actually in metro and i think she just realised that her kid was missing as well.. i looked back and saw that the kid starting to climb up the railings! (the barriers at every lvl) lets see.. the first reaction frm those who were near the kid was, "gasp!". i was like, "what?!" hello! gasping aint gonna help the kid!! the malay man went to tell the mother and i quickly ran over and carried the kid down.. *phew* cant imagine singaporeans being so passive! gasping will do nothing to help the kid.. the time taken to gasp, if spent by carrying the kid down, wont it be more useful?? sigh.. den, the mother just came over looking super angry, carried the kid up and walked away.
headed down to city hall after that and wait for the others.. saw peiru and terence.. went to this chicken rice place behind raffles hotel.. it's GOOD!
after that, went to airport to send bernice off.. she's going to london! ahh!! that's where i wanna go! haha.. Nies went on the same trip too.. i only came to know that she was going like, on the day itself.. haha.. elicia and shihui were there to send her off.. and the pics they secretly took were.. *ahem* haha!! anyways.. ya.. esp elicia's expression.. lol!
i feel tortured. (pardon me for whining)
knee hurts.
shoulder hurts.
searing headache on the bus back home, felt like dying.
sleep deprivation.
mild depression.
numbness/tingling feeling in my right hand.
[wad a ___day.. and to add on to it, had to come home and face the "music".. not that i got a scolding.. family conflict..] (thurs)
slept a pathetic 2hr 30mins, frm 6am to 8.30am.. wow. i was practically tossing and turning the whole night away.. surprisingly, i was awake thru the whole day and even into the night.. o.O went for tuition in the afternoon.. after that, left lili's house and walked to CS.. was just walking ard and saw serene and christine.
oh, sumthing unpleasant nearly happened to a kid. i just came up from the escalator when i saw this lil kid, under 3yrs walking alone.. thinking that his parents were nearby or actually watching him, i walked pass him. den i notice this man in front of me looking at the kid and then looking ard.. (man's malay, kid's eurasian) realised that he was looking for the parents of this kid.. the mother was actually in metro and i think she just realised that her kid was missing as well.. i looked back and saw that the kid starting to climb up the railings! (the barriers at every lvl) lets see.. the first reaction frm those who were near the kid was, "gasp!". i was like, "what?!" hello! gasping aint gonna help the kid!! the malay man went to tell the mother and i quickly ran over and carried the kid down.. *phew* cant imagine singaporeans being so passive! gasping will do nothing to help the kid.. the time taken to gasp, if spent by carrying the kid down, wont it be more useful?? sigh.. den, the mother just came over looking super angry, carried the kid up and walked away.
headed down to city hall after that and wait for the others.. saw peiru and terence.. went to this chicken rice place behind raffles hotel.. it's GOOD!
after that, went to airport to send bernice off.. she's going to london! ahh!! that's where i wanna go! haha.. Nies went on the same trip too.. i only came to know that she was going like, on the day itself.. haha.. elicia and shihui were there to send her off.. and the pics they secretly took were.. *ahem* haha!! anyways.. ya.. esp elicia's expression.. lol!
i feel tortured. (pardon me for whining)
knee hurts.
shoulder hurts.
searing headache on the bus back home, felt like dying.
sleep deprivation.
mild depression.
numbness/tingling feeling in my right hand.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
i guess i spoke too soon bout the insomnia part.. lol.
i just got to slp (decent one) at like ard 6am? den i woke at 8.30am.. wow. surprisingly though, i'm very awake at the moment.. i'm hoping it'd pour now.. the cold winds in the morn, i just love it =)
bahh.. just a warning for those ard me later in the day.. i MAY become rather.. irritable? sumthing like that.. soo sorry.. i'd hate to put my cgms thru it.. control! argh.. hopefully not..
=X
i just got to slp (decent one) at like ard 6am? den i woke at 8.30am.. wow. surprisingly though, i'm very awake at the moment.. i'm hoping it'd pour now.. the cold winds in the morn, i just love it =)
bahh.. just a warning for those ard me later in the day.. i MAY become rather.. irritable? sumthing like that.. soo sorry.. i'd hate to put my cgms thru it.. control! argh.. hopefully not..
=X
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
there's sumthing wrong with my c/n.. bahh..
i should be working my butt off.. but, i'm tired.. i just feel so lethargic.. bahh. spent my whole day like sleeping instead.. (washed the toilets as well of cos..) i'm trying to imagine going to bed at 3am n waking at 1 or 2pm.. lol. lili.. haha. wad a life! "the life" to be more exact.. lol.
had tuition yesterday, today and most prolly tmr afternoon as well.. see how it goes. oh, hi to christine too.. lol. (if ur reading this)
anyway, my bro just came back frm camp.. and well, i nearly fainted from the smell.. =p haha!
i was awake at some "unfriendly" hour.. but good thing i was able to get back to slp.. thinking if i should go for TPS training tmr.. i seriously need to get on with my work.. argh. self discipline.. =(
mild D's setting in.. must chase it out! (>_<) it's getting better at least.. insomnia too.. =) now that's sumthings to smile bout.. haha.. PTL! =)
facade..
there's sumthing else i wanna blog.. but it slipped my mind.. again.. sigh. lol.
i should be working my butt off.. but, i'm tired.. i just feel so lethargic.. bahh. spent my whole day like sleeping instead.. (washed the toilets as well of cos..) i'm trying to imagine going to bed at 3am n waking at 1 or 2pm.. lol. lili.. haha. wad a life! "the life" to be more exact.. lol.
had tuition yesterday, today and most prolly tmr afternoon as well.. see how it goes. oh, hi to christine too.. lol. (if ur reading this)
anyway, my bro just came back frm camp.. and well, i nearly fainted from the smell.. =p haha!
i was awake at some "unfriendly" hour.. but good thing i was able to get back to slp.. thinking if i should go for TPS training tmr.. i seriously need to get on with my work.. argh. self discipline.. =(
mild D's setting in.. must chase it out! (>_<) it's getting better at least.. insomnia too.. =) now that's sumthings to smile bout.. haha.. PTL! =)
facade..
there's sumthing else i wanna blog.. but it slipped my mind.. again.. sigh. lol.
Monday, June 05, 2006
went for physio in the afternoon.. it was seriously boring.. hai.. lol. the session was horrible.. painful! just 8 mins on the cross training machine n my knee started to hurt.. bah. oh, my therapist was like saying that she's scared of me.. lol. cos i nv smile.. -.-" pls lar.. i was just expressionless... hahaha... sort of. did the knee press n the "arm cycle" wadever it's called.. lol. did that for 15 mins non-stop.. it was tiring.. haha.. but, no pain no gain.. =S she's weird lar.. she should be the one telling me wad to do rite? instead, she's asking me wad i wanna do.. haha.. she was also telling me that some patients tell her wad to do that's why.. -.-"
wasnt feeling quite well so din have tuition.. it's gonna be on tmr instead..
chorus board???
longsuffering...
wasnt feeling quite well so din have tuition.. it's gonna be on tmr instead..
chorus board???
longsuffering...
ytd rocked! [even though... almost everything horrendous set in on me.. blegh. haha.. try imagining migraine, hunger, fatigue and burning eyes n lip.. lolx.]
it was the last day of EMERGE'06.. (indescribable..)
the presence of God simply saturated the whole place.. i'm kinda angry at myself.. cos i was super distracted.. argh. i tried.. but.. sigh. Sun and "Niunai" performed.. there were all the prize presentation and stuff.. JAng and Aileen rock man! champs for 400 n 1500 respectively.. wow! when they ran, it was like no competition at all.. haha.. all the others so far behind.. =p
Jang was scary man.. she fainted on the train on the way to her organ lessons lar.. okies, and her sub conscious thoughts were like.. -.-" lol..
went over to my grandma's house in the morn.. went to "exercise" with my younger cousin.. he's trying to lose weight basically.. but hor, there's some changes to be done! lol.. one step at a time.. should be going over again tmr..
not very sure bout tuition tonite.. my timing's very.. erm.. uncountable?
Friday, June 02, 2006
[praise God, things have started to lighten up a bit]
today's the 2nd day of EMERGE '06! woots! hmm. lets talk bout yesterday first..
went to swim in the morn, as planned. thank goodness there was the great weather at that time as it poured just not long after! haha.. went back to AHS in the afternoon. studied there as i waited for the other CHC peeps and Sun! haha.. yep, she came back again. this time, with a group of reporters from taiwan.. oh, they did filming and i heard that they are gonna show it on cable! taiwan tv actually.. so yea. the NCC guys were so "cooperative". hai.. so wishy-washy man.. haiyo. correction, NCC boys. haha.. the classroom scene was us greeting her as "He lao shi".. sang her song and she gave an autograph bk and poster to chee wee and valerie.. it was fun =) haha.. after that, je, jo and jang got a lil photo crazy.. haha.
went for svc! POS was awesome man! haha.. i got pics! but only of TRP.. haha. bias? lol.. wadeva.. it's not very clear though.. but it's nice to see it in continuous motion.. haha.. see all the ppl flying up n down.. the message was great.. the presence of God was awesome. it's seriously hard to put it in words.. lol. you gotta experience it yourselves..
having gastrics attacks lately.. argh. makes me whiney n grumpy.. =( during svc summore.. argh. today again.. but i ate! hai.. wad in the world..
here's just a very brief update..
EMERGE gets better and better! =) pastor preached about being like Daniel in session 2.. conviction.. stop withdrawing.. step out! step up for God! the presence of God was super overwhelming that i teared like i've not done so in a while.. take all of me in exchange for all of You.. please.. when pastor prayed and prophesied over pastor abraham, the power was tremendous.. i believe that almost everyone could feel the pain that he was feeling.. the waterworks just couldnt stop.. also, when the pastor of Heart Of God church shared their testimony, we were all blown away.. imagine, 13 yr olds being cell group leaders with hundred over people under them, serving fervently in church as leading guitarists, key boardists and drummers.. it's just amazing. God moves in such powerful ways.. now, they are like 18 to 21 yrs old now.. with over hundreds of ppl under them.. wow. inspirational and motivational.. great testimonies of God using us youths! Spiritual hunger.. we need to be like Jabez, as pastor has shared.. hunger for Him.. for without Him, we are nothing. NOTHING AT ALL.
oh, kelly poon, hong junyang and taufik batisah made guest appearances tonite.. the singing was sensational.. but, the ultimate superstar who created these stars is JESUS! woots! the dancers were fantastic too! esp the kids! super cute! esp when they paired up to dance! meaning one kid and one adult.. haha.. oh, pastor chee kiang and pastor derek arm wrestled! haha.. cos just had the semi finals for arm wrestling.. amazing.. i never want my love for Him to die. never. Thank You. =)
today's the 2nd day of EMERGE '06! woots! hmm. lets talk bout yesterday first..
went to swim in the morn, as planned. thank goodness there was the great weather at that time as it poured just not long after! haha.. went back to AHS in the afternoon. studied there as i waited for the other CHC peeps and Sun! haha.. yep, she came back again. this time, with a group of reporters from taiwan.. oh, they did filming and i heard that they are gonna show it on cable! taiwan tv actually.. so yea. the NCC guys were so "cooperative". hai.. so wishy-washy man.. haiyo. correction, NCC boys. haha.. the classroom scene was us greeting her as "He lao shi".. sang her song and she gave an autograph bk and poster to chee wee and valerie.. it was fun =) haha.. after that, je, jo and jang got a lil photo crazy.. haha.
went for svc! POS was awesome man! haha.. i got pics! but only of TRP.. haha. bias? lol.. wadeva.. it's not very clear though.. but it's nice to see it in continuous motion.. haha.. see all the ppl flying up n down.. the message was great.. the presence of God was awesome. it's seriously hard to put it in words.. lol. you gotta experience it yourselves..
having gastrics attacks lately.. argh. makes me whiney n grumpy.. =( during svc summore.. argh. today again.. but i ate! hai.. wad in the world..
here's just a very brief update..
EMERGE gets better and better! =) pastor preached about being like Daniel in session 2.. conviction.. stop withdrawing.. step out! step up for God! the presence of God was super overwhelming that i teared like i've not done so in a while.. take all of me in exchange for all of You.. please.. when pastor prayed and prophesied over pastor abraham, the power was tremendous.. i believe that almost everyone could feel the pain that he was feeling.. the waterworks just couldnt stop.. also, when the pastor of Heart Of God church shared their testimony, we were all blown away.. imagine, 13 yr olds being cell group leaders with hundred over people under them, serving fervently in church as leading guitarists, key boardists and drummers.. it's just amazing. God moves in such powerful ways.. now, they are like 18 to 21 yrs old now.. with over hundreds of ppl under them.. wow. inspirational and motivational.. great testimonies of God using us youths! Spiritual hunger.. we need to be like Jabez, as pastor has shared.. hunger for Him.. for without Him, we are nothing. NOTHING AT ALL.
oh, kelly poon, hong junyang and taufik batisah made guest appearances tonite.. the singing was sensational.. but, the ultimate superstar who created these stars is JESUS! woots! the dancers were fantastic too! esp the kids! super cute! esp when they paired up to dance! meaning one kid and one adult.. haha.. oh, pastor chee kiang and pastor derek arm wrestled! haha.. cos just had the semi finals for arm wrestling.. amazing.. i never want my love for Him to die. never. Thank You. =)