exactly one week.

haven got much to say recently.. or rather, things that i wont put on for the whole world to see? haha.. whichever.

thinking bout getting a real gd camera. THINKING. but still, seriously considering.

exams are coming around! O so close! last 2 wks of august i think.. ard there. which in any case, would just be in the blink of an eye. on tuesday, got news that my currently Mst tutor is leaving!! Mr. Aaron Hee. he's a really really gd tutor man.. T_T

as i was watching the korean drama earlier on, was just suddenly reminded of my pri sch life.. mainly when i was in P6 actually.. i suppose that would be the least well-liked yr of mine. Come to think of it, when they say that as time goes by.. blah blah blah. wadever..

2 things that happened in that yr that i remember till now. it's just really etched in my memory like no other.. well, not that i'm still bearing a grudge against the teachers.. all i can say that, the memory is just there. (some things just stay.. so think about wad memories u want to leave in the life of others)

1st: i'd say that this was by far the most heart-wrenching and well, disappointing moments in my life.. (as much as i can rmb from any other) my teacher said right in my face that i was throwing the game for everyone else in the team, letting my teammates and everyone around me down.. until now, i'm not sure if she really meant that or if it was supposed to be reversed psychology. all i can say that, if it were to be the latter, it didnt work. lol.. by game, i mean the last yr of my basketball nationals in pri sch.. i still have images of everyone on the court and there. and well, i still cant forget that look on my teacher's face. deep inside, i wanted to rebut. but at the same time, i wondered if i was really doing that. no. i wasnt.

i ended up not saying a single thing as she benched me for the rest of the quarter/game. at that point in time, i guess i was all the more feeling so mixed up. i knew i was trying my best, i just wasnt on form. wad was i to do?? and when she said that in front of my teammates, i felt embarrassed.. disappointed (that she din see how hard i was trying instead).. and a whole lot of other things. was it the pressure of getting into the nationals top 4 like the previous yr that got to her/me/all of us??

till today, i can rmb my very first match/yr of matches.. the hard falls on the court of xinmin pri sch. (which has alr shifted) slipping on the mud n sands on the court.. playing along side pachara, shin jung and those in my yr. encouragements rather than berating were heard then. maybe i was just too used to it and that turn was just too unexpected.

that day was very much a turning point in my life.. it really changed me drastically and well, adversely i'd say.. not that i'm pointing the finger at my teacher, it's just that, it's just reality i suppose. ripped of my confidence, disappointed that i wasnt trusted. i dare say that the look in ppl's eyes can kill. they can. it feels terrible to know that ppl are upset and disappointed with you. (the hurt-er hurts the most?) much more when i'm that kind of person who gets very affected by ppl who i care about.

2nd: can definitely rmb bout tis one.. i'm sure that all those in my class would too. it was sumthing bout national day songs.. think it was sumthing bout us not singing. BUT, the fact was that we just werent loud enough. or that the music was too loud. it was sumthing bout the music as well. that i'm sure. well, since it was nearing the end of the day alr and apparently my teacher was pissed thinking that we werent cooperating in singing.. me and my big mouth to decide to voice out that we WERE singing, not like what she thought. cos we were made to sing over and over again. maybe it was my tone, i duno. she apparently wasnt happy and prolly just as tired and fed up as we all were. (her saying that we were NOT singing, even though we WERE.) it just gets on anyone's nerves. LOL.

not sure if it was on the day itself, the whole class was called down to the concourse. cant rmb if she(another teacher) was the DM then.. of just the prefect teacher i/c. sumthing like that.. for all i rmb, i've always known her to be in charge of discipline. i was the head prefect in that yr.. so just imagine. me and the other prefects, but primarily me, getting shouted (and i really mean SHOUTED) at at the concourse. (the concourse was built just like a stairwell, meaning that the sounds echoes) i rmb myself crying real hard bcos i felt so wronged. scolded for just speaking the truth and standing up?? haha.. ridiculous i find.

after getting scolded, believing that i was really really at fault, i wrote a letter of apology and explanation. got shot down again. i was merely explaining my actions and just reiterating the scenario, not forgetting that i acknowledged that i may have/most prolly had used a wrong tone that caused her to be embarrassed in front of my other classmates. (if that were the issue)

was i too blunt in that as well??

haha.. i duno.. i guess i'd never know. sumtimes when i see them i get reminded again and again.. it's not just the presence of them.. it's cos their actions on other students just trigger the memory. dun get me wrong.. they are really really nice ppl. they truely are. just the way they do things i guess. hmph~

so much bout a past. see how just one incident can change someone. i guess u'd never know when sumthing that you do/have done can actually bring about a real big change in someone.. u just never know.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 ·